Most women will be able to tell you all about their first period — where they were, how they felt, how they learned what products were right for them and how to deal with inevitable bloodstains. Most men, however, can’t do the same and so menstruation remains a mystery to them. (Hey, you don’t know what you don’t know.) But if you’re a dad, there’s a pretty good chance this is something you’re going to have to deal with at some point as you help a child navigate this uterine milestone. And if you’re a single dad, you’re probably going to have to turn to female friends to help you orient yourself or, in the case of one dad, Reddit.
On the No Stupid Questions subreddit, one puzzled parent wrote…
“I’m a single dad and my daughter (soon to be 13) has just started her first period,” he begins. “Luckily, she was at a friend’s house and managed to get hold of a few pads but we don’t really have anything at home.
“What do I need to be doing? Pads, tampons or cups? Different things for different situations? Should I just buy different products in different levels of absorbency and let her figure out what’s comfortable? Should I have a specific pain relief on hand or just hot water bottles?”
As of press time, the post as received more than 2,000 comments offering friendly advice and, honestly, it’s all pretty good! (And is, perhaps, even worth a bookmark for folks who might be facing similar situations in the near future…)
Get an assortment of period products
Most agreed that while pads were probably the best product to start out with, having a bunch of different varieties of pad (especially of different sizes and levels of absorbency) as well as other products like tampons or even menstrual cups or discs would be good to have on hand so u/notafrenchspy’s daughter could acquaint herself with different options that might work for her. After all, while pads are the easiest products to get the hang of, many folks quickly find they prefer tampons.
“She might not use them right away, but wouldn’t hurt to stock tampons and cups,” u/SnoopsMom offers. “I prefer tampons without applicators but make sure she knows how to use an applicator style one as well, because I remember my friends and I all thinking the WHOLE APPLICATOR had to go inside you (before any of us actually had our periods, thankfully). She might want to try them but be too anxious to ask.
Period underwear also received glowing recommendations from a number of commenters, who noted they were less prone to leaking and can be more convenient (and environmentally friendly) than pads or tampons.
Don’t forget pain medication and heating pads
Periods can come with a slew of unpleasant physical symptoms, from cramps to backaches, headaches to breast tenderness and (as many of us know) much more. Ibuprofen was largely hailed as a menstruating tween’s best friend since it’s great at handling cramps and other pains, and many extolled the virtues of heating pads, hot water bottles, and similar products.
“When my daughter got hers … my gf gave her one of the stuffed animals you can microwave and put on her belly for cramps,” u/spartanghost32 offered. (Not only can I confirm that these things work great, but it might be just the kind of cozy, child-like comfort a young person going through a big life change might appreciate.)
Don’t dismiss all pain as “normal”
While periods are often accompanied by pangs of pain, many commenters wanted to highlight the sad reality that the pain of women and girls is often dismissed as “normal” or “not that bad” when, in fact, it can signal a larger medical issue that requires more than the standard remedies of heat and Motrin.
“Hey Dad, Dad here,” writes u/RogueWedge. “If your daughter is in a lot of pain (i.e. 2 ibuprofen does absolutely nothing for her) take note and get medical advice because things like endometriosis could be an issue.”
Redditor u/DowntownRow3 agreed.
“There are … way too many people that don’t know the general rule: if your period pain interferes with your day to day activities it’s time to see a doctor,” they write. “Everyone had the occasional bad period but you should be able to go about your day for the most part.”
Encourage her to track her periods
While there was debate in comments about the best method — some suggested specific apps, others were wary of digital tracking — many urged the OP to encourage his daughter to track her cycles.
“A gentle reminder that the first few cycles might be irregular, which is completely normal,” says u/TulipSandra. “So maybe include a calendar along with the period tracking app suggestions to help her spot patterns. Regardless of the method, keeping track will give her more confidence and control over her cycle in the long run.”
Others suggested also having her track symptoms (bloating, diarrhea, cramps, spotting, etc) so that she can get a better sense of what her normal looks like and can more easily spot the things that aren’t.
“Sanitary products” go beyond pads and tampons
In addition to menstrual products, folks offered suggestions on other items that will help manage the mess of periods. Multiple commenters suggested making sure there was a trash bin in every bathroom in the house. Others suggested having wet wipes and hand sanitizer on hand.
Many savvy redditors noted that hydrogen peroxide or, in a pinch, hand soap and cold water, are excellent for removing blood stains. (Which: spoilers, are bound to happen at some point, especially for a kid still getting the hang of how to deal with periods.)
Others also noted that it’s important to know the rules of how to dispose of period items in the first place.
“Also a reminder to teach her not to flush baby wipes, pads, or tampons,” says @jrp317.
Remember that small kindnesses can make a big difference
Plenty of folks were quick to suggest little sweet treats (“My dad … added “period chocolates” on the grocery list,” recalls u/Faerie42. “I got that … every month. He was a firm believer that chocolate could fix almost everything.”) Others suggested other small gifts or tokens that might mark this memorable event and imbue it with positive feelings and memories.
“This is special,” says u/EmotionalBase4531. “Get her a cake or a Barbie or something pretty to wear or a basket with things she likes. It’s a moment in her life she would like to remember went well. Not scary.”
Honestly, we love to see a community, even an online community, come together to make rite of passage smooth, comfortable, and even memorable for a young person. Well done, dad! And this is something I definitely don’t say every day or even all that often, but well done, Reddit!
