My last partner did get into pegging. It was interesting. She really, really wanted to do it and I was not closed off to it. I was open. I’d put it into a file of like, that’s interesting, but I feel like the reality of it would not be as fun as the idea of it. But I had a very patient partner. I was like you’re just gonna have to bring me along, but it was fun. I don’t know if it’s my thing, but it was fun. I got a lot of enjoyment out of it. Like the power switch was really unique, because—and I don’t know if this is just my partner, but— the majority of the time I felt like I was in a situation where I was kind of running the show during sex. I felt a bit like the director. So the complete vulnerability was fun and hot. But it was such a different feeling than what I’m used to while being intimate with someone; that was lots of fun. I enjoyed that.
I’m currently talking to someone, but I wouldn’t say it’s anything really serious. Being 39, it’s tough. If I meet someone, that’s great, but I’ve also built a decent life, I’m a happy person solo as well, so that person you know has to be good. I just got out of a relationship a few months ago with someone I was with for four years. Life happens, things don’t work out, but it’s taken a little time to get out of the shadow of that. And I live in a dumbass red state, so it’s hard. Everyone here got married really young and had a bunch of kids; there’s nothing wrong with that! But being in the midwest and being single and almost 40, it’s like there’s a cloud over you. People start to almost feel sorry for you or think you’re broken. But getting out of this last relationship felt a bit like the last chance to have that traditional life. Get married, maybe have some kids. It felt like that window sort of closed, and in the wake of that, I’ve been thinking about, what do I want going forward?
As I’ve had sex with people who have progressed in age—I’m not Leonardo DiCaprio; I’ve been sleeping with women who are age appropriate—I think one of the most interesting things is that it feels like in my 30s, I’ve seen women change a lot and they’re doing the things that make them happy in bed, or that that they want to do. I’m seeing a lot of women taking their own sexual enjoyment by the wheel a bit more and doing things they’re interested in as opposed to what their partner is.
I feel like in the past five or six years a lot of the sex I’m having is a lot more aggressive or dominant in nature, which is fun. It’s not something I want to do all the time, but it’s lots of fun. I want a partnership with a very strong woman. And sometimes I think a byproduct of that is that in the bedroom sometimes, if that woman has been like that in her life—maybe she has this job where she makes tons of decisions—that when she’s maybe behind closed doors, she doesn’t want to make a decision at all. She just wants to be taken and honestly lately just fucking used. Obviously after a baseline of respect and safety has been established! I never experienced that very much in my 20s because I don’t know, I just feel like you there weren’t as many women voicing exactly what they wanted or needed in a moment. It’s been fun.