I recently went on vacation with my only child. She is extremely outgoing and friendly and making friends is not difficult for her. She adapts well in situations where she may not have the built-in playmate of a sibling.
During our trip, she became friends with two girls who were sisters, and in turn, my husband and I became friendly with their parents. While our kids played, we chatted and got to know each other.
Throughout the entire stay, we all took turns taking care of this new group of kids — helping with s’more duties, playing “Monster” in the pool, finding towels, grabbing bandaids for boo-boos, etc. In just a few days, we had made a village.
This all seemed fair and wonderful because, as a foursome, we balanced out the care and keeping of our children.
One mom, however, doesn’t want any of the parenting duties of another kid, especially when she has four of her own. She wrote on the parenting forum, Mumsnet, that she has had about enough of only children “attaching” themselves to her and her kids on vacations while their parent totally checks out of their parental duties.
“It’s a running joke in our family that we attract the 1 child family every holiday we go on,” she wrote.
“I have 4 teens/children and I’m single so one adult. Without exception over the last 10 years every summer/beach holiday we’ve been on a lone child has somehow attached themself to us. I’m not a cold hearted bitch, I had 4 kids so I wouldn’t have to entertain them all the time and I get that there are a number of reasons someone may only have 1 child. But that doesn’t mean I want to look after them on my holiday.”
She then goes on to explain that on their latest trip, a seven or eight-year-old boy “edged his way over” after being “encouraged” by his mom.
“My lot were playing a ball game in the pool and involved him after he gestured for the ball. Fine, but don’t then roll over on your sun bed and start reading your book ffs. He was then attached to my kids all afternoon, the next day we went to the pool in the AM for a morning swim and the beach for the PM, family appears next to us on the HUGE beach and plonks themselves down 20 meters away, immediately the kid comes over and involves himself,” she wrote.
“I’ve lost count of the amount of holidays we’ve ended up having a tag along whose parents seem to be having a lovely relaxing holiday. I have returned children to the parents a few times, but they either just come back or stand there staring at my kids it’s bloody horrible.”
Now, she’s asking if she’s being unreasonable. After her post caught traction, several Mumsnet users weighed in on her dilemma.
“Why do you watch them? I am with 4 kids at a campsite right now and there is an 8 year old boy tagging along with ours, just as you described .. but i’m not watching him at all. I expect his parents to do that,” one user wrote.
“And we don’t take him to the beach, we just send him home when we go. I really like it that the kids make new friends on campsites… if you don’t want that then visit a small b&b. I was an only child myself and i was very lonely. I wish my parents made efforts to get me in contact with other kids on campsites. Tossing a ball accidentally the wrong way sounds lovely to me. And of course when an 8 year old is playing you go back to your sunbed. What do you expect the parent to do?”
One parent of an only child weighed in and said, “I only have one child and it’s hard when they are on there own but if they do find ‘friends’ I’d never turn over and read a book if anything I’d give the other parent a break and watch them all and join in the fun in the pool! No matter if you have one or four your child your responsibility. Some people just take the piss!”
“I’ve come across this on the other side; we took [dear daughter] on holiday as an only child and we’d be playing with her a lot because she didn’t have anyone else then another child joins in and somehow we’re looking after that friend too while the parents focus on their other child,” one user shared from the other side of the coin.
“Lovely and all but when you’re doing things like carrying your child around the pool and that other child wants you to do it for them to it’s quite awkward. Sometimes it felt like that child wanted to play with us as adults more than DD just because we were actively playing.”
Other users weren’t too keen on the OP’s unwillingness to help watch another child.
“You’re cross that a child wants to play with your kids? And your kids want to play with them? Or do your kids say, “mum, please make X go away?” What exactly happens? It’s hardly like you’re actively babysitting or expected to, kids are just playing,” one user wrote.
“Unless it’s like a tiny toddler or something? But it sounds like you have older kids and a 7/8 year old probably isn’t interacting directly with you or needing complete 100% supervision most of the time, except by pool, sea etc (which isn’t your responsibility anyway). You say you had 4 so they can entertain themselves and in the final para you say the other child’s family seem to be having a lovely relaxing time which implies you aren’t, so which is it?”
Another also scoffed at the OP’s attitude towards only children.
“You’re right, perhaps all parents with only one offspring should all holiday at a separate resort or compound, or have designated swimming times,” they wrote with sarcasm.
“O mean come on. I get that you don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s kid (don’t be!) but kids have been befriending other children on holiday since holidays began. Great that they have the confidence to go and try and make friends! I’d only really find it an issue if your kids didn’t want to make friends but just because they have siblings it doesn’t mean they have to give any kind of social interaction thé cold shoulder. I feel like if you go to a family oriented resort or camping holiday or whatever this is par for the course. I would never dream of passing off responsibility for my only child to another adult on holiday but I’d absolutely never stop him from trying to forge holiday friendships with other kids.”
One user agreed with the OP and commiserated with her experience of only children latching on to their families.
“I have 4 [children] too OP and we get this ALL THE TIME! It’s so, so annoying. I frequently take mine swimming (private pool so no age restrictions on child:adult), I have had an almost newborn, a 2 year old and 2 other young school aged children of my own, and had other children abandoned with me while their parents use the sauna, swim lengths etc etc,” they wrote.
“It got to the stage that we had to just all leave the pool when it happened as it was too much for me. It happens almost everywhere we go, and my [children] are still little so I like to still supervise them closely.”
As the parent of an only child, I find myself more involved in the comings and goings of my child. I would never pawn her off on another family and just read my book by the pool, expecting a stranger who I do not know to handle my kid. No way! It seems that this has a lot more to do with parenting styles than a stereotype about only children.
