We’ve all heard the term “default parent.” That’s the parent who does the majority of the labor in the household, and not just the cooking and cleaning and child-rearing, but the mental load too. The schedules, the meal planning, etc. It’s a lot. So, when we pick partners who are actually partners, that load doesn’t feel so heavy.
One dad, licensed therapist, and public speaker, Kier Gaines, shared a glimpse into such a simple moment with his wife that actually speaks volumes about their dynamic as husband and wife (and as parents!).
Gaines and his wife have a discussion about the logistics of their day tomorrow which seems to be a bit off routine because their youngest, Syd, is sick.
“But the baby’s sick,” he says to his wife. “She needs to be the priority.”
“And she can be my priority,” his wife replies.
“Syd’s staying home tomorrow. E’s going to school. You take E. I get up with Syd. We do the breakfast thing. I chill with her till you come home. I jump immediately into work. I try to clear my day so that by noon, I can go grab E. Come back. I should be home no later than 2:30. See if I can hop back into work,” he says.
“No later than 2:30,” she replies.
With that, the two have had clear communication about their morning, knowing who is doing what task, taking which kid where, and what time things need to be done by. Gaines’ wife did not have to ask him to pick up their kid from school or how to do breakfast with their youngest because he already knew.
This is what co-pilot parenting looks like. They are in this together.
In another moment, Gaines’ wife notes that the day was super busy but also a “success.”
“You said today was a success?” he asks.
“Yes! I got everything done that I needed to get done today,” she replies.
One user commented, “Who raised this man! Show yourself!” to which, Gaines posted a response video explaining just who raised him — his mom who sadly passed away 20 years ago.
“I had to become an adult very fast, completely independent man,” he noted.
“And one thing about abandonment issues is they create a sense of hyper independence with it. So you kind of walk through life believing you don’t need people. And I lived my life really well, not really needing people. I was good by myself living in my apartment, having my part-time and full-time jobs, I was doing my thing.”
He admits that allowing love into his life (giving and receiving) felt risky “because once you know that you can lose love like that, you’re smart enough to realize that you’re not an exception. It can happen to you.”
He continued in the caption: “My mom was the greatest person that I’ve ever experienced. I owe it all to her and miss her every single day.”
Here’s to the moms who raise upstanding, present, smart, and progressive men like Kier! And here’s to Kier for accepting all that guidance and love and using it for the betterment of himself and his family.
